16 weeks tomorrow!

I know it's been awhile since I've written... Ooops. Since my last post, we've been able to hear the heartbeat on multiple occassions, met my doctor, and scheduled a 3D ultrasound for next Thursday!

But, I jump ahead... let me start with the heartbeat(s). :)
I was so nervous about if this baby was growing and progressing properly, I went out online and rented a doppler heartbeat monitor. It's basically the same as they use in the doctor's office, but a little bigger, and probably not as high tech as theirs. However, I was able to find the heartbeat the first time after only 5 minutes of searching!! The beat was strong and FAST! 170-180 bpm. But, I was early too, so it's going to be faster in the beginning. A few weeks later, we listened to it again, and it was about the same. But the next time, I thought I heard 2 heartbeats!! That following week, we saw my doc, and since I had made the mistake of telling her that we had already heard it, she only put it on there for a couple seconds. At that time, the beat was 165 bpm. When I heard 2, I thought I heard one at 160-170 bpm and another one at 150-160 bpm. DH says I'm nuts, but the way I'm growing so big so fast, I wouldn't be surprised if I was carrying twins.

Meeting my doc was also a nice experience. I like her, she seems good, and kind. She's ok with walking around before birth, using the birthing ball, etc. to reduce pain, and I'm all for that. I would like to be able to do this naturally, but I'm not opposed to using drugs if need be.

Our u/s is scheduled for April 21, at 4 pm. We're doing the 3D because that's what DH wants, and I'm ok with it since it means getting one earlier than my 21st week! I really hope we can see the sex that day, but I am not getting my hopes up since I won't yet be 17 weeks along. They say the optimum time is between weeks 18-20. But maybe our baby is more advanced! :)

OK, all for now... I'll return after the first u/s and let you know how it went!

2nd Doc's appt today

Whoever said that being pregnant is a breeze obviously wasn't carrying this child! Yes, I'm already a bad parent - to DH, I call her a parasite... only in love, of course. My body is not my own right now, and as much as it's interesting to think there's a new life growing inside me, it makes me sick - literally! For 9 weeks now, I've been nauseous, having heartburn, extremely tired, and more finicky than normal. DH asks me what I want for dinner but nothing sounds good. Problem is, if I don't eat, I get sick later in the evening, and if I do eat, I have to be careful or else I feel sick later in the evening. It's a never ending battle... although they say it will get better after week 12... We'll see!

Today is my second doctor's appt. I think it's mainly to go over blood work, but I know they are going to weigh me, and I'm terrified of how much I've gained in the last 2 weeks. I'm definitely bigger... but I can't help eating what makes me feel better... CARBS! I've been eating potatos, bread, pudding, pasta (no red sauce though), drinking milk like there's no tomorrow, and crackers. Lord, I should have bought stock in Saltines!!!

The good news is I'm not getting constipated like some of the other women are. My prenatal vitamins have a stool softner, which I'm sure is helping. Gotta love fiber right now!!!

My mom and I had a nice talk the other day - she said when the baby (parasite!) is born, she is willing and planning on giving me three weeks of her time!!! Oh thank goodness!!! I told DH and he said how wonderful that is that she can do that. I asked him if he minded her staying with us and he said by all means she should (even though she lives 30 miles away). At least I didn't have to fight with him about that!

I also had a wonderful talk with my grandfather this past Saturday. There's a lot of history behind his and my relationship, so suffice it to say we've never been close. Well, I plan on changing that. I know it's late in his life, he's 96, but better late than never. He's doing excellent (for 96), and I'm hoping that my visits to him will keep him alive long enough to meet his great grandchild. He's never met his other one, since my sister has decided to act like he doesn't exist. Again, more history... At any rate, I was so happy to spend the afternoon with him this past Saturday, and I think he was happy too. I'm already planning my next visit for a week from this Saturday.

Well, I guess I should get back to work... there's another time when all I feel is sick... and yet I keep eating saltines... I wish I was in my 13 week already!!!

Happy F***ing Valentine's!

I'll admit it - I had hoped DH would have done something for V-day, even though I know he doesn't celebrate it. We've had the discussion before where I say he has no romantic bone in his body, and he tells me he does, he just has never thought of me wanting that. Hello - I'm female!!! While all my co-workers get flowers, what do I get?? I get a verbal spanking. I'm so mad at DH right now I can barely think straight.

It started this morning, with him writing me that he was going to tell people at work about us being pg. I said fine. He then wrote me and told me he only told Tawnya, (his work girlfriend) the woman that I don't particularly care for due to their close relationship. (It seems a little too personal for just co-workers.) Anyway, Tawnya has had 2 m/c's, so he told her to ask her opinion on whether or not he should tell everyone else since I'm only 7 weeks. She said she would wait until I show. This doesn't bother me in the least, and I really don't care about when DH tells his work people. However, once he told Tawnya, he may as well tell everyone else, since she's the gossip at the office. I told him that, and he agreed. So far, everything's fine. Then I get an email from DH asking for my FF chart address. I ask him who he's going to show that too, since it's personal stuff, and he told me Tawnya! I wrote him and told him that I wasn't comfortable with that given the way I feel about the two of them. It was too personal for him to be sharing with her. He wrote me back this:

"I think you are missing the point. She is trying to get pregnant. I am a friend. I thought I would let her know what the web site could do for her....
I wont send her the link. and I can't believe you put that in a work email..."

So I sent this back to him:

"I don't know what you mean about this: "I can't believe you put that in a work email", but how am I supposed to know what you are talking to her about? If you want to send her the link, send her this: www.fertilityfriend.com... it's the main page. I just didn't think you needed to share my chart with her. Sorry."

And he sent this back to me:


""but I'm not really comfortable with that... (given how I feel about you and she) sorry - just my view."
I sent her the main link....let's drop this ..it pisses me off..."

And I haven't talked to him since. Am I wrong in feeling like this?? And, of course this just had to happen on Valentine's Day. Not that I'm surprised. At any rate, we haven't talked since 10am this morning, and since I don't feel like I did anything wrong, I'm not planning on mending fences. SO THERE!

Bah Valentine's!!!

Well, it's Valentine's Day today... just another day in my book. DH swears he is romantic, but I haven't seen it, nor do I expect to. I bought him a card and gave it to him over the weekend, thinking that that might spur him to do something nice today, but I'm sure it won't. I'm not even holding out hope, as all that does is bring me down when nothing happens. And, since I've been so weepy lately, I don't need anything that's going to bring me down.

We did have a very nice weekend - all I did was laundry and cook a few times. It was heaven after the last couple months of non-stop basement, vacation, and the Super Bowl party.

I have my first appointment with my new doctor tomorrow. I'm trying not to be too nervous about it. Even though I have been having m/s during the week, I still feel like there's a chance I'm not really pg anymore. I guess until I feel her move, I'll feel like that. Today is week 7, day 2. Today is also the day that I tell my boss.

I shouldn't feel so down today, but I do. I feel nauseous, but nothing sounds good to eat to get rid of it. I force myself to eat, but 30 minutes later, I feel sick again. I shouldn't complain - there are women out there who would kill to be in my shoes, but I feel so awful. I can't take time off because I need to save that time for after I've given birth. Wha, wha, wha!

Anyway, wish me luck on the appointment tomorrow. (Really, just for the blood drawing portion.)

I feel so bad!

I'm so sad for all my friends on the TTC board who haven't gotten their BFP's yet. As I sit here, I can list an entire room full of women who I know to be deserving of having a child (or another child, as the case may be), but they have not yet been blessed with a BFP. These ladies are my friends, and I want to continue to chat with them, but on the other hand, I feel like I'm rubbing it in their faces when I post, when my signature has in big bold letters "We Did It!!". I know they would tell me that it doesn't bother them, but I used to be one of those women, and I know that there are days that it most certainly does bother people. I hate that feeling. If I could, I would make them all pg right now and have them graduate with me on the Oct. board. Thinking about how the whole TTC thing is such a battle makes me so very sad. Why can't it be easy for the people who truly deserve it?

Morning Sickness

I ended my last blog sort of down on DH, so I had better make up for it, huh? :-P Actually, he and I talked last night about the issues I had had at Super Bowl, and he apologized for not realizing I needed him to check on me and also the poker party, and I apologized for not telling him what I need. I DO understand he's not a mind reader, even though I feel like he should be one. LOL!

Now, about this m/s business! This is awful!!! I wake up feeling somewhat ok, but by 7 am, I have this disgusting dirty metal taste in my mouth that won't go away. I have my cream of wheat, hoping that will help, but it doesn't. I chew gum - that only maked the gum taste like dirty metal. I ate my lunch at 10:30 (because I was starving), so now I have nothing to eat for lunch when I do get hungry. Though, with this taste in my mouth, it would be a wonder if I decided to ever get hungry again!

I've been queasy off and on, but today's been the worst day so far. For a good two hours, I felt like at any time I could hurl right then and there. That makes work fun, let me tell you!

I see the doctor a week from today, so hopefully having this m/s is a good sign that the baby is growing!

Emotional mess

It's been awhile since I've blogged! Sorry about that! Things have been hectic... let me get you caught up.

The basement sort of took over our lives since DH decided he wanted to throw a Super Bowl party. The end of January was spent painting, triming, cutting in, touching up and basically doing anything we could to get the painting finished before tile and carpet were put down. Then, the tile was laid, but our carpet wouldn't be in until the week before the Super Bowl. So we had to pray that it would come in on time! (It did.)

Also, the last week of January was our belated honeymoon to the Bahamas, so we also had to prepare for that. That was a lot of fun and very relaxing. And we got the best news ever on the second day of the cruise - we found out we were expecting!!

So, amid doctor appointments and getting the carpet laid, and finalizing the Super Bowl party plans, we've been cautiously expecting.

I am now 6 weeks along, and last week I was having some mild nausea, but yesterday, I had almost none, and same with today, so now I have an irrational fear that my baby isn't growing and I'll m/c.

Along with that fear and all the others that come along when having a baby, it seems that DH is sick or something. He's been wheezing, his blood pressure is up, and his pulse rate is really high. It seems to be triggered somewhat by salt, but we're not sure what's causing this. I finally got him to go see a doctor (today) but I had to beg and cry and plead before he would agree.

Then, last night was the super bowl party. The basement was finished, and looked great - we got many compliments on it. But his friends were all downstairs, and mine were all upstairs, so I couldn't enjoy the basement. :( Not only that, but DH didn't check on me once. For a newly pregnant woman, that kind of hurt. I was running around upstairs, taking out the garbage, making sure the kids were playing nice on the X-Box, making sure people had drinks, running the pool, etc., and not once did he check on me and remind me to take it easy. Instead, one of my co-workers kept an eye on me. (Which was really very sweet, and I appreciated it more than she could know.) My friends and I had a great time upstairs, but it would have been nice had we all been able to be together.

The other thing that bothered me last night was the fact that after the game was over, people were leaving, except for DH's group of poker buddies. They wanted to continue to play. Well, it was a Sunday night, and both DH and I had to work early this morning. I told DH that he needed to tell his buddies that, but he told me, "I'm not going to ask my friends to leave. That's just rude." I told him that if it were a weekend night, I would have no problem with it, but it was a Sunday night, so there was no excuse. (Plus, I'm a newly pregnant woman who needed her sleep!!! But, he doesn't remember things like that.) He ended up playing cards with them until 12:30 or so, and kept me awake, since we don't have insulated ceilings in the basement. I was so mad! Then he acts like there's nothing wrong with what happened. I swear, there are sometimes when I wonder if I did the right thing marrying this man!!! It's always the small simple things that he can't understand why I might be saying what I'm saying. MEN!!!

Anyway, it's over and done with, but if this lack of concern attitude keeps up, we're going to have problems.

What a whirlwind it's been!

Between painting the basement, doing the normal household chores, getting ready for our cruise, and work, I'm wiped out!!!

I've been slacking in updating the reasons why I love DH, so I need to try to catch up. Unfortunately, due to the basement taking all our time, I have mostly that to talk about. That being said, I'll say this:

Jan. 5: DH and I were able to paint together without getting in an argument.
Jan. 6: DH complimented me on the cream color I chose for the main color.
Jan. 7: DH complimented me on how well I painted the cream walls, and how well I had taped.
Jan. 8: DH and I spent all day painting the red colored walls - and after much criticisim and allowing it to dry, he now loves the color I chose! (That's a relief!)
Jan. 9: A nice relaxing day. DH reiterated how much he appreciates the fact that I helped with the painting.
Jan. 10: DH told me how much he appreciated me getting into the painting and not letting it be an issue between us.

I'll be soooo happy when this basement is finally finished!!

On other news, one of my good chat friends found she was pg!!! YIPPEE!!! I'm so happy for her, I can hardly stand it. Now, if me and my twin can just get those BFP's, everything will be alright with the world.

Happy Day!